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Ramblings by Jaya Jha

Sunday, August 21, 2005

Did they know?

Thinking of death, there are two people, whom I just can not forget. One was my maternal grandfather and the other my Music teacher(Mr. Anshuman Banerjee) in Purnea.

My grandfather died around 15 days after Raksha Bandhan. In that year Raksha-Bandhan was during a weekend; and hence I had come to home from Navodaya. So, accompanied my mother in her trip to his place. After living a fairly healthy life of over 80 years, he was ill for last few months and some strange illness it was. Not any internal body-part going dysfunctional, but just that his food would never get beyond his throat!! Details are unnecessary, just that it was a puzzling illness and nobody was able to identify what the problem was. He was surviving on saline water, but that made him extremely weak. While we were coming back, he asked me in Maithili whether we would meet again. Because of his weakness, his voice was not clear and also he had spoken in Maithili, with which I was not very comfortable then - so I could not clearly decipher what he was saying and stood wondering. My mother chipped is saying that he is asking whether or not you would meet him again - say 'yes'! Obviously I repeated 'yes', but he replied that I did not say it on my own accord. So, now we won't meet again. I did not take it so seriously, but guess what! Around 15 days later he passed away and I did not even get to see his dead body since I was at the hostel.

The other incident is even more intriguing. The time period of events are spanned over several years. I used to learn music from this old couple. They were Bengalis and most of their family members were in Calcutta (except for some who had relocated to Delhi etc.). We used to call them Chacha and Chachi. Very early in their lives they had somehow come to Purnea. While Chachi was still pretty sentimental about Calcutta, Chacha would not hear of leaving Purnea. "I just do not feel at home anywhere except at Purnea. Not even in Calcutta. When I go out, I always feel anxious and relax only after I come back here. I can not leave this place." When Chachi would jokingly insist that she would leave and go away, he would retort quickly saying he can take care of himself and then his students would take care of his food and all. Even if everyone takes care of one meal a week, it would be more than enough for him. "Till I am alive, I am not leaving Purnea", he would say.

But that was story of good, old days when he was healthy. When I was in class 12th in Ranchi, I heard that his health is deteriorating fast. When I went to meet him after my JEE results were out, it was a shock to see that the person who would not show any sign of fatigue doing all sort of work for the whole day was unable to get up and open the door. Chachi had gone for some shopping. Some of the occasions, when life teach you how momentary things are indeed. They were talking of leaving for Calcutta as in his bad health Chachi found it dificult to manage the household. She, herself, was fairly old. Chahcha remained silent through out that discussion. It was painful - as if he has suddenly realized how helpless he is. He can no longer claim to have a control over his own life. I somehow could not help but recall "Till I am alive, I am not leaving Purnea." Will he leave Purnea? It was decided that they would leave around 6 months later. Meanwhile, the house needed to be sold, suitable person needed to be found for transferring the ownership of Music School etc. It was so painful for me to imagine that the house will be sold to someone else. I had seen it since I was 7 years old. So, many occasions of eating "Moodhi-Ghughni", which Chachi would specially prepare for me because I would not eat many other things. Or that "maachher-jhol bhaat". Those two-three days of exams - how all the students would be around for the whole day, eat there, arrange everything for the exam and examiner, supervise the exam-room, the instruments, the seating arrangement and the food! No more of all that! No more of the Saraswati Pooja. No more waiting till late evening because my father could not pick me up before that. No more scloding for saying "aate hain", while leaving and not "jaate hain". It would be just another house - not any more my "Music School", not any more the home of "Chacha-Chachi". Even today, I feel tears coming to my eyes. How would it have felt to him?

"Till I am alive, I am not leaving Purnea." He didn't say so this time.

This was in summer of 2000. Went to meet them again in the mid-sem break (during Dushehra) of that year. For the first time I saw an obvious eagerness in Chacha to meet me (not that it was not there earlier, but he was not the kind of person to show it. I remember, at one point of time, he was telling me how Chachi should not go around worrying about everybody. "Even I feel for people, but you can not involve youself too much with anyone. Everyone will go on his/her own path someday. Look at how she fuzzes over everyone."). But this time there was an expression like "good you came" from him. While I was leaving he asked me when shall I visit again. When I said most likely in December he said, "You must come to meet me." They were to leave in the last week of December. Unfortunately, in that vacation, I decided to stay back at IITK. Around 12th of December (I do not remember the exact date), I received a call from home that he had passed away... Could do nothing really. Called up Chachi. Now, it was even more important for her to move to Calcutta.

"Till I am alive, I am not leaving Purnea." He kept his word!

Did they know?



  • At Sun Aug 21, 10:05:00 PM 2005, Blogger Tadatmya Vaishnav said…

    Very good, evocative post. Something similar happened with my grandfather too. Is this near-death experience different from normal life? Are there any fundamental realisations in this phase (provided death does not come very suddenly, of course)? Point to ponder.

  • At Mon Aug 22, 05:25:00 PM 2005, Blogger Satish Jha aka Satya said…

    quite a blog !!!
    Interesting , Deep-Routed one ..

  • At Mon Aug 22, 10:59:00 PM 2005, Blogger Lakshmi Kumar said…

    There are two most mysterious things in life. One is Birth and other is Death. Both of these are not in our control. Well, any one who is alive will die some day. Death is an integral part of the life without this life is incomplete. This is the rule of this beautiful nature. So, I request you to not to become so much sad about this. If you will become sad then your happier times of the life will become short. Life itself is so small and you have already spent around 22 years and 6 months, so the remaining life in your case (in our case too) is very small but there is one interesting thing in all the cases of Death which is common and that is pain. When the body stops working then the people who is dying feels so much pain which I do not like (I don’t know why). So, only one thing which we can think of and that is if some how this pain can be eliminated at the time of death then the life will become more harmonic, continuous and painless.

    May be you are thinking I am talking off the topic but actually I know one such case which happened with one of my relative who were living in Sitamadhi. He had done quite lots of things in yoga. The people nearby the village knew him as sanyasi. One day he went to a small garden near his home and then did a small pooja (worship) and after that he sat somewhere near the Shiva Linga in a Sukhasan Mudra and concentrated deeply and after 5 minute people found that he is dead. People were surprised about this but what I think this is one of the best painless Death. In yoga language it is called Samadhi.

  • At Tue Aug 23, 12:05:00 PM 2005, Blogger Lakshmi Kumar said…

    I just wanted to tell you the hard fact of the life and nature. So please don’t be much worry about it. The nature is self sustained and it will take care of every thing. Please try to be happy as much as possible because it is only way to make life more beautiful.

    I am really sorry if any of the words written in earlier comment hearts you.

  • At Wed Aug 24, 06:26:00 PM 2005, Blogger prabhanj said…

    From where we have come?
    To where we go?
    What is the reason to live?
    What is the reason to die?
    Is not it true that we really "have come"?
    Is not it true that we really "have to go"?
    Is not it true that there is a purpose behind all these?
    It is the truth..
    The Ultimate truth!
    Why do not we dare to accept it?
    Why do not we never think about this?
    Well, accepting truth needs wisodm. Do you have it?

  • At Wed Aug 24, 07:31:00 PM 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I think it is the other way round! It just needs a spirit of enquiry (and not great wisdom as a prereq!) to think about and then accept the truth. Wisdom comes in the wake of enquiry. Everyone anyways has some wisdom and the haze over the total wisdom gets removed by enquiry into the absolute truth.
    All of us move towards the realization of that Truth of our true nature, whether consciously or unconsciously - that, I feel, is the purpose.


  • At Thu Sep 01, 05:56:00 AM 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    well written


  • At Wed Sep 27, 04:22:00 PM 2006, Anonymous rajeev said…


    Nice blog!

    Why don’t you consider writing about some of the new

    “India 2.0” sites that are creating a little buzz as






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